Parenting can be hard, particularly with teenagers who need to push boundaries as they move towards adulthood. This is a natural and healthy way for them to find their place in our society. But how do we, their parents, manage this boundary pushing?
I have found that pre-setting my boundaries and then giving my children the choice of how they manage that boundary works best.
Recently, one of my children didn’t want to go to school as they had an exam. We agreed years ago that they could have a day off school once a year for a mental health day, but they couldn’t miss assessable activities such as exams or presentation assignments. The only reason to miss these days is if they are sick. But if they are sick, they can’t play sport or work either.
This then became a dilemma for my child. I had set the rule, and they knew that they had freedom within that boundary. So, instead of having an argument about whether they go to school or not, I just need to ask if there are any assessable activities and, as there were, if they were feeling too sick to go to school. They were not sure what they wanted to do, so I asked them to let me know their decision the next morning and we would go from there.
The next morning, they were up early cramming for the exam.
There are many tips I have learned (and now teach) in Parent Effectiveness Training. I find they help me to stay calm as a parent and to pass on my values to my children.
If you (or someone you know) is interested in learning how to talk so your children will listen (or listen so your children will talk), contact me for more information.