Sometimes it is the simplest things that can shift a dispute. Like knowing what our different conflict styles are and that this may be why we cannot reach resolution. If the other person is ‘avoidant’ (as per the diagram below by Thomas & Kilman) they need to feel SAFE before they will be able to even consider discussing what is bothering you. They may also walk away (or storm off) or change the topic to avoid the pain of resolving the conflict.
To understand where you are on this quadrant, there are quizzes you can do. But essentially, the more you look out for your own needs, the more ‘assertive’ you are. The more you try to meet the needs of the other person, the more ‘cooperative’ you are.
And, of course, your placement on this quadrant will change depending on who you are in conflict with.
I did this with a client the other day and watched as clarity followed. I am looking forward to seeing how this understanding changes their conflict.