I was recently asked whether I thought discord was bad for relationships.
Many people would probably agree that it is. But I think that discord actually makes relationships richer and so strengthens them.
It is a bit like when two instruments play notes that are discordant, it feels jarring to the listener. However, the return to harmony creates a sense of resolution. And the resolution makes the music beautiful and unique.
Movies and books are the same. Without the ‘complication’, there can be no resolution. Can you imagine a movie that had nothing go wrong that the characters could then overcome?
We all have ups and downs. The downs make the ups sweeter. Having disagreements (and discord) is a reality – there is NO relationship where we agree ALL the time!
So, if discord is not the problem, what is?
The problem is in the way we handle the discord. If we push our perspective without listening to the other person’s. If we try to control the resolution. If we run away from the discord in fear of the emotions that are arising in us.
But if we discuss the discord in a way that respects the other person and look for resolutions that meet the needs of both of us, then the discord leads to a stronger, more beautiful relationship that we can never have from a relationship with no discord.
I help people manage their communication and strengthen their relationships through online courses and mediations and would love to know your thoughts.